Unconditional Parenting:
Moving from Rewards and Punishments to Love and Reason

By Alfie Kohn 2005, Atria Books, New York.

In this book, Alfie Kohn questions parenting strategies that have become the standards in the U.S. He believes that using punishments and rewards, for example, are forms of control, which teach children that parental love is conditional upon earning parents’ approval. According to Kohn, love should not be conditional and the parenting approach should be based on the question: “What do kids need — and how can we meet those needs?”

Kohn offers concrete strategies for “working with” children. Regardless of whether I agree with all Kohn’s points, I love that he pushes the conversation beyond conventional wisdom, and uses research to challenge our approaches. He always changes the paradigm and allows for a more humanistic, child-centered approach to teaching, and in this case, parenting.
--Janet Stork, Head of School

The Essential Conversation:
What Parents and Teachers Can Learn from Each Other

By Sara Lawrence-Lightfoot

In her book, Sara Lawrence-Lightfoot analyzes the complex and sometimes combative feelings behind the parent-teacher conference. She argues that these seemingly benign meetings are often fraught with what she calls "ghosts in the classroom" — the emotional baggage or past educational experiences of both teacher and parent. These ghosts can easily color the meeting and dilute the focus of the conference.

Through her collection of first-person narratives, Lawrence-Lightfoot provides a window into how teachers and parents discovered and acknowledged their own past experiences in order to relate to each other in a more authentic way. The power of this short read is the reminder that honesty and a mutual respect are what scaffold our meetings together. Teachers and parents have much to learn from each other and when the focus remains on the child, everyone wins.
--Danette Swan, Teacher, Lower Elementary

The Blessing of a Skinned Knee

by Wendy Mogul

Wendy Mogul writes out of a desire "to help parents look at their children's anxieties and desires using a different lens." Using Jewish teachings and her psychology background, Mogul creates a parenting model that espouses the core values we all want to help our children develop: respect, gratitude, moderation, the value of work, self-reliance, and resilience.

Mogul points out the danger in overprotection, over-scheduling, and high pressure. She also helps us find the balance in reacting to our children’s struggles so they can develop the stamina they’ll need in the world and she does it all with compassion and humor. Her message -- slow down and see the uniqueness of every day -- is so important and is clearly stated.
--Chris Middlemiss, Teacher, Lower Elementary

Positive Discipline

by Jane Nelson

Of all the parenting books I’m familiar with, there are two that have consistently made my “must read” list for anyone who has children or works with them. Positive Discipline is one of them. Jane Nelson based this book on the idea that children misbehave because of their mistaken beliefs about belonging and power. She explains why and how being kind and firm is the best way to teach life skills and encourage self-respect, self-discipline, cooperation, good behavior, and problem-solving skills. This book is an easy read and so much more appealing than the traditional “authoritarian” approach to “bad behavior.” If you only read one (well, two actually) parenting books, this should be one.
--Chris Middlemiss, Teacher Lower Elementary

The Over-Scheduled Child: Avoiding the Hyper-Parenting Trap

by Alvin Rosenfeld and Nicole Wise

In today’s competitive culture, it’s easy to want to make sure our children have all the opportunities that other children have—sometimes leading us to have such a heavy schedule that free time barely exists. This book puts in perspective what all this is about, will help you realize if you are “hyper-parenting,” and tell you how and why to avoid it. The best things about the book are the reassurance it provides about the value of “down” time for both children and parents, and its insight into how always having your life planned leads to not knowing how to plan for yourself.
--Chris Middlemiss, Teacher, Lower Elementary

How to Talk So Kids Will Listen and Listen So Kids Will Talk

by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish

This is one of the books on my “must read” list for anyone who has children.The basic purpose of this book is to show how to build respectful relationships with our children—giving them the respect they deserve and asking for respect from them as well.The authors believe that punishment usually does not serve to change the child's behavior and they give readers many positive alternatives that work better. They provide examples of responding to and dealing with challenging situations, everything from sibling rivalry, to homework, disrespect, and chores.
--Chris Middlemiss, Teacher, Lower Elementary

Montessori Today

by Paula Polk Lillard

This fabulous book describes the Montessori approach and sketches its application through all education levels. Lillard shows how children acquire the skills to answer their own questions, learn to manage freedom with responsibility, and maintain a high level of intellectual stimulation. She focuses on the primary years by analyzing the elementary classroom and teacher from both theoretical and practical perspectives, and moves into less familiar territory to describe the impact of Montessori's theories on education at the middle school, secondary school, and college levels. This book is a useful tool for parents analyzing educational alternatives.
--Vicki Simon, Parent

How to Raise an Amazing Child the Montessori Way

by Tim Seldin

This book offers observations of Montessori's hands-on approach to science, foreign languages, arts and health, wellness and physical education. She covers special needs and many practical ideas, including how to organize the bedroom, bathroom, kitchen, and an arts-and-crafts area.
--Vicki Simon, Parent

Montessori: The Science Behind the Genius

by Angeline Stroll Lillard and An Vu

If you are interested in the scientific basis for the Montessori approach, this is the book to read. Because there have been so few studies comparing traditional and Montessori outcomes head-to-head, the authors have done the next best thing: they’ve synthesized decades of psychological and sociological research on Montessori theory and practice. Lillard and Vu clearly demonstrate that the efficacy of the teaching method Montessori honed in her own classrooms has been well-confirmed by subsequent studies in human cognitive development.
--Vicki Simon, Parent